- December 19, 2017 2:17 PM
God does not roll dice; there is no such thing as a coincidence. At least, that was what I used to believe when my mother left my brothers and me. The pain of hearing a mother tell her children that they are useless in a world of chance, the pain of leaving us to my father and my grandmother—it was all unbearable. This was the time that I learned when to sleep late or worse, I never slept. I cried as I agonized in pain, and I asked God why these unfair circumstances. Although my mother told me never to run away from her, she was the one who estranged and distanced herself away from us.
“When it rains, God is angry. He is sad, and all those rained upon have done evil to one another.” I never believed that God was the rain, but He was in the rain. God smiled upon us when rain poured down; He was saying that there is a rainbow after the rain, that there is beauty in chaos, and that there is bliss after every hardship toppled over, but why is it that after a long rainy day had passed, the next day yet poured another? Why is there a storm after a rainy day? I shouted my grief in rain, got down on my knees and cried a river. Father told me to bury the hatchet and forget all the memories I had spent with my mother, but pain opened the door for itself and had etched a mark in my heart.
A wise person said that to travel to anew ocean, you must learn to leave the shore. The only things for you to bring are your attitude, your courage, and your will to forgive. The water that we sail on is the river of life, the river of chance, and the river of hardships. We must learn that the storm will pour because fate will keep on strengthening until we reach a sunny day and a safe harbor. I could never forget my mother because she was the ocean; she was the one who raised the tides. Now that I docked my ship on the shore, the ocean is now my ink for what I write. Although every vein in my body wishes to release my anger towards my mother, I myself can’t afford to do so. The woman that I had once hated was now a woman I adored in my memories. She was the woman who never returned albeit the promise to return.
To you who I am writing this, how do you say those things left unsaid? Have you already found a way? Or is there pain that still remains in your heart? I have been searching for it myself, only to find out that I am lost.
I wish I had lived my life to the fullest, and I wish you do so too.